WHY? (I desperately ask life)

First semester of my sophomore year in college is soon coming to a close. Leaving me with a year and a half left until I graduate.

Lately, I’ve been having lots of mixed feelings about school and life. You know… what am I doing?!?

In the beginning of the year I was really looking forward to coming to classes and learning more about OT’s. As the week slowly passed by I started becoming less and less interested in the content of the course and more and more desperate to become an Occupational Therapist. I don’t like admitting that I haven’t been enjoying classes much because this is what I want to do!

#throwback to hospital placement (I don't like hospitals, you can see my ecstatic face)
#throwback to hospital placement (I don’t like hospitals, you can see my ecstatic face)

Then I got to thinking, if I am not enjoying this very much, is this what I really want to do? The answer every time I ask myself that is Yes. I can’t wait; but that seems to be the problem.

In order to be an OT, I need to go through this learning. I just can’t seem to apply myself to my fullest potential. My biggest hold back is procrastination and the thought of failing. I usually decide that I’d rather be on the internet, watch T.V., read, do nothing, than study.

I know that I want to do my best and work hard, but I don’t know how to overcome this terrible habit of mine. I absolutely hate procrastination, I just haven’t been able to ditch it.

There are just a lot of things going on in my brain. It all stems from my not knowing what I want to do after I graduate. I have a surface level idea. What freaks me out is not knowing every detail of what will happen.

That’s where I’m learning to let loose.

Not knowing is part of the fun and the fact of life.

What you think is going so great one day, can be so bad the next. You can’t always know what’s going to happen because lots of times things happen the way you wouldn’t expect they would, and those things sometimes put you on a different path you didn’t think you’d be on.

I’ve had a few of those moments in my life.

Turning to homeschool when I realized I didn’t like public school. I was hesitant at first, but ended up loving it so much. This led me to be able to skip a grade and make some of my best friends to this day.

Moving to New Zealand from California. This one is still bittersweet. Left my family and friends behind, but discovered a beautiful country with lots of opportunities.

Well, the takeaway is that procrastination can make you feel hopeless and is a horrible habit. And, change can sometimes be very good.

I need to remember what 2 Timothy 1:7 says – For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 

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